external forms of religion, & lived a moral life, I should finally be saved.  But by the mercy of God my eyes were opened.  I saw that unless my hopes were built on something more substantial than self-righteousness, they must fail.  I felt that I was the chief of sinners, that I was living in enmity with an Holy God.  I was brought to a sense of my depravity, & a view of it led me to despair of any help in myself, convinced that if I was ever saved, it must be by the forced grace of God.  I felt that I desired eternal punishment & could not impute any injustice to God if he were to cast me off in the midst of my sins & consign me to everlasting woe.  But my heart was too proud & rebellious to submit to the humbling terms of the Gospel, for a long time.  I longed to have my peace made with God & viewed every Christian with an envious eye.  But I seemed to try every way but the right.  I felt willing to make any sacrifice even the most costly that I could imagine if it were in my power, but I found that a broken heart & a contrite spirit was the most acceptable & indeed the only one that was required.